Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
