Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
