I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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