They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
