I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
