i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
