BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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