She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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