so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
