so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
And then he peed in my hair
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