I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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