chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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