My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
