just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
