ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She just used a chaser for red wine.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize