I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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