dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
