I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
