I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Congratulations! We have a period
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