Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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