She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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