WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
