i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
