If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I am full of burrito and curiosity
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
