Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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