saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
