So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
