Do vagina's smell?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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