i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
