Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
