Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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