So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
