Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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