i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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