I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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