it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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