Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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