Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
