i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wish I only lived at night.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
