Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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