I wish I only lived at night.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
