:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
