Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
