Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
