so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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