I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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