i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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