just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
