I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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