To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
