I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This baby is an asshole
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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