Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
