i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize