I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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