My friends, they love my intelligence
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
