I'm eating all of the evidence.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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