Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
