I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
