people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
