Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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