shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
