Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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