he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
