Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize