my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
