Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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