So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
