You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
