You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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