so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
