..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
