Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
