Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
