break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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