whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
