hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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