Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
