is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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